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Erin

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(no subject) [Jun. 10th, 2009|09:44 am]
[Current Mood | hopeful]
[Current Music |Yellowcard]

I just took a shower and this is my story. I woke up crying and I have been on and off. When I woke up, all I could think of were the lyrics, "We clung on like, barnacles on a boat. Even though the ship sinks you know you can't let go." Those lyrics illustrate exactly what I was feeling. In my mind, it was over. That maybe I had to even though it wasn't the easy thing to do. I didn't know if I could do it anymore. I tried to listen to the songs that reminded me of us but it wasn't working. I wasn't feeling what I was used to feeling. I was on the computer and there was no one else in the world. No one up, no one to talk to. So I took a shower. I started to think of the song Dear Bobbie and for some reason it just hit me. I started bawling again. In the shower. About to pass out in there, I swear to God. It was so hard. I finally realized that I want Matt Pens.

I want Matt Pens.
I want Matt Pens.
I want Matt Pens.
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(no subject) [Jun. 10th, 2009|08:24 am]
[Current Mood | confused]
[Current Music |The Brian Jonestown Massacre]

My god, I love summer and I love life. I am sitting alone here, listening to The Brian Jonestown Massacre and talking to some people I love and everything's just great. I can go to bed happy and wake up happy everyday and it's just a great feeling.

I'll start my life from where I left off. I got my body wave redone since my last entry and I'm really loving how it looks again. I think I'm going to dye it red soon. Yay. On the Friday afterwards I got to spend all day with Matt, Mikayla, Kevin, Cody, and whoever else. Another day I can just look back on and enjoy. That Saturday I hung out with Nora, Rhiannon, Brittney, and Claire. We went to the mall, to the park, to Brittney's, and to the movies to see The Night at the Museum. God I love them. Sunday wasn't too good as I got into a fight with my mom, but whatever. I'm over it now. And I got to meet up with Tony at least. Monday I got to go to Matt's and to Kyle's house along with Kyle's friends, we read dramatic poetry and took awesome pictures. I love them too. On to the last week of school! I went to Jim's after school that Tuesday and it was pretty great. We went to Orland Video and sang songs that we had just made up. That night though wasn't too good. I guess you could say its the start of the reason I am up this early and was just was crying. (But I'll get to that.) Thursday I went to Six Flags and that was the shit, let me tell you. Gotta love it. Friday was the last day of school. It was emotional, let me tell you. I rode up to Nora's and then to Potbellies. After that was Party '09 and that was so much fun, let me tell you. I got to see everyone but it was all really emotional at the end. Everyone just crying and stuff...I did too afterwards, let me tell you. The next day was Kyle's Graduation/Birthday Party and I had so much fun there. I went with Cait and Matt and got to meet a ton of new people. Matt and I got in a fight there though...
The next day on Sunday I got to go to Orland Days with Nora, Mackenzie, Vicki, and Tony, and met up with Mark and some of Nora's St. Mike's friends at Orland Days. Me, Nora, Mackenize, and Tony went back to Tony's house to go in his pool and it is damn nice, let me tell you. A perfect summer's day. The next day I went to Matt's, I cried in front of him and we had a passionaite moment and honestly that was the only thing worth mentioning about that day. I also got into some drama with him and Kyle after I left. We got over it though. It was also my first day of being a vegetarian! I have been going strong ever since. Later in the day was graduation. Not as emotional as Party '09 personally, but it seemed more momentous then ever. I was just dying of happiness and excitement that night. I got free ice cream too! The next day was Matt's birthday. We had a really good day I think, as hard as that is to write now I know I did. The sleepover with him, Mikayla, and Jackie was the best part of the day for sure. Even despite getting in trouble, I know I loved it. The next day I had to leave Mikayla's and go to the doctors right afterwards. After that I met up with Tony and went bike riding/adventuring. After that was done Nora called me and we did the same thing but went to Evergreen. Gotta love summer, for real. The next day I chilled out with Cait and we did nothing and it was totally awesome. A lot of inside jokes were made, but that seems to happen always! The next day, Friday, Matt came over and we hung out with Nora, Rhiannon, and Brittney, along with some kids at the park (some of whom I had just met) decided to join. We went bike riding around Orland and played guitar and sang along with just chilling outside to Yellowcard at night at my place. The next day I saw Matt again and went to a Music Fest with his Dad down in Wicker Park. He bought a Buddha Candle and I bought a shitload of bracelets! I loved going, I really did. Later in the day was Nora's graduation party and I loved it. Sunday I spent the day going to two different cousin's houses, Nicole's and Patrick's. Monday was spent with Nora and Mackenzie, riding around on our bikes in Orland along with going out to eat with her parents. Tuesday I technically did nothing but clean my room, make french fries, look at my Dad's vinyl collection, and go on the computer, but it was eventful let me tell you. Especially at night. It is the reason I am here listening to old love songs that don't make me feel how they used to and I am bawling on and off. I don't know what to feel. I honestly feel like the only human being in the world. Talking to no one. I don't know what or who I want anymore, I really don't...
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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2009|08:51 pm]
[Current Mood | alright]
[Current Music |The Smiths]

So I guess I'm starting with last Friday. I got to see my Grandmother for mother's day, along with my Aunt, and honestly I really like going there. We ate together and just chilled, not a bad Friday. Saturday was by far the best, though. I woke up at 7 a.m. to see Matthew, we had a whole morning together. We chilled together, cuddled, watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind TOGETHER! and "watched" Step Brothers. Hahaha. It was a nice morning, though. Then we both went to Paradise (my first time there) and had smoothies, then we went to Walgreen's and met up with Jackie and Callie. My first time hanging out with Callie. We walked to a couple parks and I had a really good time, no lie. I really like the both of them. Then me and Matt walked back together listening to Kid Cudi. On Sunday I went to my Grandma's for Mother's Day, we went to Fermilab and walked around there. It's kinda eerie, in a way. I went to a pioneer cemetery with creepy poetry on the gravestones...kinda interesting actually. Monday through Wednesday was pretty lame, but Thursday I went to Rockets and Matt and Mike came over and we had fun. Mike didn't stay too long though. Me and Matt went to Jamba Juice and the places around there. Yay. Friday I went to Brittney's with Nora, Sarah, Rhiannon, and Nicole, it was amazing. I burned the new Green Day CD and we listened to it while making silent films jamming out on Rock Band guitars. We recorded us saying "Maha" for about an hour and took amazing pictures. Haha, we're cool. Saturday was just amazing though! I went to Journey's Backyard BBQ and it was fucking amazing. I got free stuff, got my shoe signed by Shaun White, moshed, crowd surfed, met Adam Lazzara and got my shoes and a shirt signed by him, goddamn it was an amazing day. I saw so many people too! I mostly hung out with Matt and Jackie, but Cait, John, Jim, Mikayla, and a shitload of others were there too. So so much fun. Sunday I went to Target and it was lame. Yesterday I hung out with Matt, Cait, Dominick, and Tony, and we went to the mall, Toys R Us, and other random places. I was a bit upset at night for a couple reasons, but eh. Today I had my Honors Night ceremony along with a certain phone call. I really hope the best for him. Now I'm sitting home alone listening to The Smiths, I should be starting my homework soon. The next two weeks or so I'm going to be pretty busy, I'm kinda excited for everything that's going to happen! =)
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(no subject) [May. 7th, 2009|07:06 pm]
[Current Mood | bored]
[Current Music |The Appleseed Cast]

I really never write in this anymore. I'm going to try and recollect what I've done the past month or so as best as possible. It's been a lot, really...and I'm probably going to remember next to none of it. Haha. I guess I'll start where I left off...Thursday of last month. I saw the Haunting in Connecticut, and let me tell you, that was quite a weird movie. Not even scary really, just weird. The next day, a Friday, I met Mikayla and Jackie for the first time, and saw nearly all my friends at the mall...on the same day. It was pretty hectic, haha, I really did love that day though. Matt came over the next day and he met Lauren and Mark for the first time. That night though. Wasn't so good. I got mad. And the next day, Easter, while I just exploded on him. Basically, I made Matt feel like shit and there was some major drama. Some tears and shit. God, not good, not good at all. It definitely effected us for a while there. I saw him during that week and I got to apologize to him at least. Things weren't fixed for a while though...even after that. I also got to see John's new ukulele after going to his house, that Thursday I believe...that thing is badass, let me tell you. On Friday, I think it was, I got to see Cait with her cousins, and we had a nice time, haha. Also, Kyle the douchebag had to rub it in that he went to the Death Cab concert that night and I didn't. Thanks Kyle. On Saturday I went to my Cousin Nicole's with Matt and I slept over, and during that week I got to go uptown to New Lenox for the first time. I remember a lot of papers and projects that week too, haha. On Friday I went to Sarah's and got to spend time with some people I felt like I hadn't in forever, and the next day me and Cait went to New Lenox, I went to Kyle's and to Matt's, we had a great day there too. I'm a member of Soup Train now, even if I fuck up while I'm recording. On that Monday I saw Cait again, and me and Matt had a great day on the Thursday of that week too. I also saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind that week, which is a great movie. On Friday I went to the mall with Jim, Alec, and Nancy, and we got to discuss some drama and stuff. Oh man. On Saturday I went to the mall with Nora and Rhiannon, and went neighborhooding with Cait and Jim at night. Sunday I got to see Cait again. Monday and Tuesday there seemed to be a lot of drama, and phone calls, especially Tuesday. Yesterday I hung out with Matt and we had the worst day ever, having to leave early and getting soaked in the rain! Not fun. Today was just boring, but oh well. My life is great. I'm sure I'm missing some stuff, but that's what I remember.

My life is so great. It has its ups and downs, but overall I'm really happy. I'm also really progressing on the guitar, and trying more in school, meeting new people, and just a ton of other stuff, and it's great. Alls I have to do is update this a bit more. Go life.
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(no subject) [Apr. 8th, 2009|10:19 pm]
[Current Mood | happy]
[Current Music |The Album Leaf & Bright Eyes]

My life is absolutely amazing. I love it more than ever, and I have so much to say...I don't write in this enough because I am probably leaving out a lot of things.  I'll really start with Friday, March 13th (about a month ago now) because before that all I can remember is a couple of random hangouts. Haha.

On Friday, I was miserable. I spent the whole school day feeling like absolute shit about Matt, not knowing what I feel and being incredibly confused. I wrote him a letter. And let me tell you, it was some deep shit. I went through my ups and downs throughout the day, some filled with tears. I felt a bit better, and then I went to drive to see him. Once I saw his face again I was just overcome with happiness, but I wasn't back to normal. When I got back to my house, we hung around outside, and I gave him my letter. He said it didn't change anything. We headed off to Brittney's. He met some more of my friends, played an intense game of basketball, and then we decided to run off together. We went to Happiness is Pets, and a Bridal store, and skipped everywhere, and made out in random places. It was so spontaneous and fun, oh man. Then we got back and made out in a tractor, and got stuck. It was hilarious. Thank god Sarah got us out. On Saturday, it was so nice out. Nora, Rhiannon, and I walked everywhere...to 711, to McDonald's, to Subway. Felt like summer again. Nora got some creepy things yelled at us, including  "YO, GIMME THAT PUSSY!" and some honks, hahaha amazing. That Sunday, Matt came here, and we walked to some parks, the mall, and had a million adventures inbetween. We then went to a Flogging Molly concert that Tuesday, and it was such a good experiance! I especially loved being there with him. I saw him again Friday, another great day. On Saturday, I spent some time at Brittney's, and then I was off to vacation. We went to Tennessee, and then to North Carolina. Let's just say, it wasn't the best vacation, or best week ever up until Monday.  Monday, I went to Matt's, and we had some fun at his house. Then, I saw him again Wednesday at Orland Mall. Friday, I went to the mall with Jim, Tony, Nancy, and a bunch of others. Saturday, I spent the entire day at the mall with EVERYONE. Kyle Hall, Cait, Tony Furlong, Nora, Rhiannon, John, Brittney, and others...it was quite a day, really. We bounced bouncy balls in an elevator, goddamn it was just such a fucking fun day, I'll finish this later. Today (Wednesday) I got to spend the day with Matt again, and we walked 159th. I am really excited for the next couple days, as well!

And yeah, that's my life. Just needed to post. Will finish this later! (Or not, haha.)
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(no subject) [Mar. 2nd, 2009|09:37 pm]
[Current Mood | loved]
[Current Music |Kyle Hall]

I barely write about my life in this anymore, so I'm going to try and sum up the past week or so. Um, I remember going to John's last week on Friday. That was nice. Saturday was Cait's birthday, and I went to her house for a get-together, that was pretty okay too. I honestly don't remember what I did Sunday. The past two days I've been going to the mall with friends, playing guitar, and hanging around. But well today, today is a day I'll never forget. Matt came over. Everyone came over. With everything that happened, it was easily one of the best days of my life. I don't think I'll forget a single detail, it was so intense. Everything feels so complete. And I don't think I'll ever stop.

Love love love love love love love love love LIFE.
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(no subject) [Feb. 24th, 2009|07:30 am]
[Current Mood | loved]
[Current Music |Regina Spektor]

What'​​​s their​ name?​​​
Matt Pens

Is this perso​n your bf/​​​gf?​​​
He will be soon.

Does this perso​n have a cell phone​?​​​
Yes

If you were cryin​g would​ this perso​n cheer​ you up?
Yes

Where​ is this perso​n at?
New Lenox

Have you ever spent​ the night​ with this perso​n?​​​
If talking on the phone almost every night counts.

Will this perso​n repos​t this?​​​
I got it from him.

Do you trust​ this perso​n?​​​
Only with everything.

If you could​ chang​e somet​hing about​ this perso​n would​ you?
No, we had a conversation about this. =)

When will you talk to this perso​n next?​​​
Later today

Does this perso​n make you smile​?​​
Yes

If this perso​n told you they hated​ you what would​ you do?
Think Know he was joking

Do you care about​ this perso​n?​​​
More then I can comprehend.

Does this perso​n give you nickn​ames?​​​
"Fag"

Do you give this perso​n nickn​ames?​​​
"Miracle"

Is there​ a song that remin​ds you of this perso​n?​​​ What Song?​​​
I have a whole list. =)

What would​ you do if this perso​n left to a whole​ diffe​rent count​ry?​​​
Die

Has this perso​n ever made you mad?
Yes

Ever been to this perso​n's house​?​​​
Soon enough

Does this perso​n have a boyfr​iend/​​​girlf​riend​?​​​
No

( And what he said about me. )
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(no subject) [Feb. 23rd, 2009|06:45 pm]
[Current Mood | indescribable]
[Current Music |The Cure]

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
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(no subject) [Feb. 15th, 2009|06:28 pm]
[Current Mood | happy]
[Current Music |Sharks Keep Moving]

So...my life right now is kinda awesome. I'm just so happy. I have great friends and pretty much everything is just going well. Maybe not everything, but I'm satisfied enough.

=)
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(no subject) [Feb. 8th, 2009|08:31 pm]
[Current Mood | happy]
[Current Music |Minus the Bear]

I can't believe I've been on Livejournal for more than two years now. I signed up on February 4th, 2007 and now it's February 9th, 2009. Crazy. I had a really nice weekend. I went to Target on Friday and dyed my hair permanently brown-black, I like it a lot. On Saturday morning I signed up for classes, got a new hoodie, ate breakfast with my family, and looked at a Shiba Inu in the pet store Happiness is Pets. So damn cute. Later in the day I saw My Bloody Valentine 3D with Tony, Jim, and Nancy and it sucked. It wasn't even necessary to make it 3D. Tony made it funny as hell though, and I love Jim's mom. I had a nice time, really. After that I pretty much talked to Matt until 3 a.m. That was nice ;)
Today I went to Nora's house and we chatted about some shit and played with her guitar. She's awesome haha. Then I went to Nora's friend Kenny's basketball game along with Cait and Rhiannon. Now I have to do a project and other homework, but damn I love weekends.
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